First off, Happy New Year, everyone

All the relevant articles from this blog have been moved to Pwn3d! — a better-organized (and optimized!) blog. Don’t forget to set your feed readers to follow the new blog, since this one will no longer be updated.

Also, the main page of Odeena.net has been updated with a much easier-to-use navigation and a simpler design. I got rid of most of the old stuff (part of it is still up at my dA gallery for now), too.

Enjoy!

It seems that this semester at Tokyo Gakugei* is largely about a bunch of kiddies mucking around and pretending to do “group research work”.

Oh, joy.

One of the “research” groups I had the misfortune to get stuck with consists of three boys, seven girls, and yours truly. The course is about “questionnaire research”, and the aim is to teach us how to make a proper questionnaire and process the raw data into something that actually makes sense. So far, no dramas - except that unfortunately, “we” get to pick our own “research topic”.

The sample research sheet we received asks for a “topic that is relevant from a social or academic standpoint”. Off the top of my head, I could’ve come up with at least five studies that would be entirely relevant to the group as a whole, and one or two that just might get things moving in a positive direction (for instance, getting some of the teachers to stop being so bloody boring all the time and actually do something about students who fall asleep during class). Instead, I held back a roar of laughter as my group mates decided that our research will be about “love”.

That’s when I had my moment. The self-proclaimed group leader asked if anyone opposes. I said I did. And I swear I pictured each and every one of them with a torch and a pitchfork and screaming “Kill the gaijin! KILL!” at the top of their lungs. I shrugged. “Whatever makes y’all happy”, I said, and then I got up and left. It seems these people want me in their group about as much as I want to be partnered with them all — which is to say, I’d rather do a fifty-page essay in Japanese than waste my time with this… thing.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: my classmates and I are two years and half a world apart. Heck, most of them still live at home and run to mum and dad whenever they scratch their knees. I can totally picture my “research colleagues” (…that’s damn hard to type with a straight face, I swear!) running around, tapping people on the shoulder and asking, “Please rate your first love overall experience on a scale from 1 to 5!”. Complete with blushing and giggling and plenty of “Eeeeeeeeh?!”s. Oh well… More work for them, free A’s for me.

That said, I have big plans for this semester. While the kiddies run around playing researchers, I’ll keep working on my book. The government ain’t paying me to be top kick. It’s not like they even care**.

* My university.

** Aigee, you know what I’m talking about

In a time before my “Single lady looking for older gentleman” crusade on the Internets, I’ve met several men who suddenly ‘fell in love’ with me offline. I remember this one Japanese guy who was already married and with a child, and who also happened to be one of my English students. Out of the blue, he decided he liked me — enough to ask me to “have a discreet affair” and meet up every now and then in his “penthouse suite”. Mind you, at that time, I was still engaged to my ex. I went “WFT!?” and promptly (but politely) told this ‘gentleman’ to get up and get the hell away from me.

He wasn’t the first Japanese to hit on me, and sadly not the last, either. Apparently, he couldn’t take “no” for an answer, seeing as over the course of the next few months, he kept texting me - once every few days at first, then gradually rarer until he thankfully gave up altogether. Above all, I felt sorry for his daughter. Poor kid.

After my over-the-phone break-up half a year ago, I decided to take the proverbial leap of faith and give online dating a go. I signed up with Craigslist — fast, free and, according to most people, guaranteed to give “results”.  I made a post.

If you’re thinking that you can find your soul mate on a singles website, I have three words for you: Drop. It. Now. Trust me; it will save you a lot of time, money and mid-term to permanent brain damage. Good gripes, how I wish I could turn back time and un-post that bloody post.

On the first day, nothing extraordinary happened. I got one, maybe two replies, both textbook profiles (”Single, X of age, Y height, working for Z company”) with a standard “Let’s hook up and see where that goes” to go. On the second day, I had nothing. From the third day until my post expired, I got somewhere around fifty more replies. Fifty. Yep!

You’d think that from a crowd of at least fifty strapping young (or not so young) gentlemen, I could’ve had my pick and secured my happily ever after in a heartbeat. Think again.

Half the e-mails I got were about as ‘interesting’ as a Statistics class on a Friday afternoon. Several were generic copy/paste profiles. One of them was addressed “Dear Charlotte”. Most were Japanese men in their thirties, looking for a fling and nothing else. Several were the opposite — going on and on about how they’re looking for the “love of their lives”. Some random peep show representative asked if I was interesting in making some “quick cash discreetly”.

I really should stop here. But the best part is yet to come.

In my ad, I gave a few generic guidelines to what I’m looking for. Nothing too pretentious, mind you — all I asked for was a single guy who likes books, bikes, videogames, and long walks in the park. Some of the guys who wrote back were either married or in a committed relationship. I set my filters so that whatever e-mails had the words “cheat”, “married” or similar would go straight to the bin. One particularly awkward message got through. I took a screenshot for the lulz (cropped to fit).

If there’s any higher power out there, I would very much love to know HOW the FUCK did I get from “Single lady looking for long-term relationship” to “Let’s get hammered and have a kinky threesome afterward.”

Anyway. Long story short, I replied to a few e-mails and I decided to meet some of the guys offline. I went on exactly four dates with four different gentlemen. The first one started off quite promisingly before he decided to cut all communication for some unknown reason. The second turned out to be a major letdown after he claimed he’d “left his wallet at home” and made me pay for dinner and drinks. (It wasn’t cheap, either). The third had seen two divorces and had four kids from four different mothers. (At least he was honest).  The fourth was a salaryman who worked the usual nine to midnight shift — too busy for a relationship, it seemed.

Either I’m very unlucky (doubt it) or online dating really, really sucks. Sure, I’ve tried the occasional “singles chat room” and met some fairly… interesting characters there, but I’d very much rather get to see (or hear) the real deal. Going from “OMG I’m single, you’re single too, OMG OMG OMG!” with sky-rocket expectations is starting it on the wrong foot. I’m of a more… traditional school of thought: hear, see, think (can’t stress this enough!), and then decide where you want to take it from there.

The bottom line is, I’ve had it with Japanese men and their shenanigans, and I am most definitely through with garbage sites like JapanCupid, Singles Japan, Craigslist, eHarmony and the like.

Now, to find myself some real lovin’.**

…Erm, nevermind. I think I’ll play some World of Warcraft first.

* Read: “You. Me. Sex. NAO!”
** ’s if.

When I bought my Sony VAIO VGN-SZ93S laptop, I was extremely proud of myself. After all, I’d just purchased a good* laptop at a rock-bottom price.

My laptop came with Windows Vista Home Premium, 32-bit version. The first problem popped when I tried to replace the default OS with a good ol’ cracked copy of Windows XP. I razed the hard drive, popped the Windows XP CD, and managed to finish the installing process on the third try (IIRC, the first two times the whole damn thing froze up). Once that was done, I spent half a day raking the Internets for the appropriate drivers for my model / OS. Tough break.

Apparently, most English websites agreed that my laptop model plain and simply didn’t exist. As it turns out, I’d gotten myself stuck with a Japanese-exclusive. Finally, I cracked and called the tech. support number on the bill. Mind you, I was on-hold for twenty minutes before my call finally got through to the English support line.

The conversation went something like this…

Me: Hi.
Confused tech. support lady: (in bad English) Harro… May I herp you?
Me: (facepalm) Yes… I have… (proceeds to give laptop model number, hardware details and OS spec). I tried to replace Windows Vista with XP, but I can’t find any XP drivers on your website… or anywhere else for that matter.
Confused tech. support lady: (ominous silence)
Me: Hello?
Confused tech. support lady: …Prease hold.
5 minutes later…
Confused tech. support lady: Harro? Your laptop model doesn’t support any operating system prior to Windows Vista. The drivers should work if you’re using Windows Vista.
Me: But… but I’m not–
Confused tech. support lady: Is-u there anything else I can herp you with?
Me: Hang on a tick. This laptop doesn’t have the hardware to run Vista smoothly. Are you telling me I’m stuck with a computer that will freeze up on me every fscking five minutes?*
Confused tech. support lady: …
Me: Hello?
Confused tech. support lady: *click*

* At the time, I still hadn’t figured out how to tweak stuff. It’s gotten better now.

So, even though my laptop barely met the hardware requirements to run Vista properly, Sony decided to sell it with no drivers or support for any previous, lighter OS. Talk about selling your corporate soul to the devil. Or to Microsoft. At any rate, it’s not like the two are much different.

But the ‘fun’ stuff was yet to come. At some point, my Vista suddenly decided to make all folders read-only. The files were still untouched, but every time I tried to move or create a folder, I’d get a pop-up warning with a nice little red “X”. I called tec. support again, and after forty minutes (…yep! *sigh*) on the phone, the problem was still there. Surprisingly enough, it disappeared just as sudden a few weeks later - and I have no idea how or why.

However, my biggest gripe with Sony so far is that their hardware itself seems to have a few screws loose (…get it? screws?). Twice now, my computer suddenly shut itself off and refused to boot up again. Once, I managed to solve the problem by taking the battery out and putting it back in. The second time, I was stuck with my old Gericom laptop  and Ubuntu for a week before the problem miraculously fixed itself.

Finally, since a few months back, my CPU fan sounds like it’s ready to take off and fly away. The noise is so loud I have to actually shut down the whole damn thing before I go to sleep. It sounds like someone is constantly rubbing a rusty nail on a chalkboard. I can hear it from the other room. I’m not kidding here.

I tried to open up the case and vacuum out the dust, dead spiders and whatever else was in there and didn’t belong. (Mind you, I used one of those tiny vacuums designed especially for this kind of delicate operation; don’t try this at home). I checked for overheating and made sure there was none. I even went to the Control Panel and turned the fan settings to the lowest possible level.  Nothing worked. A quick tour around the Internets proved that other people have the problem, too.

The bottom line is, if you’re so much as thinking to get yourself a Sony VAIO anytime soon, don’t bother.  Save up some more and buy a Dell. Heck, buy anything else.

As for me, there’s only one thing left to add:

Screw you Sony — I’m going HP.

Today, I will rant about “hate”.

You’ll notice I wrote the word “hate” between quote marks. In my view, there are many different kinds of hate, going from mild nuisance (”I hate waiting in line at the grocery store”) to strong dislike (”I hate it when my boss makes me look like an ass in front of everyone else”) to downright outrage (”I can’t believe what that asshole of a president did to our country! I hate it! I hate him! F*cking “#%$! Die! DIE!”).

There is, however, another kind of “hate” that seems to be increasingly popular on the Internet nowadays: the hate for people who don’t hate the same things you do. Confused? Here’s a very general example. Take any film, book or cartoon that’s popular within the 13-17 age range. It’s common for such entertainment products to feature a fairly diverse cast with a huge potential for romance-oriented fanfiction / fanart / role-playing, etc. Fangirl A writes a story in which Joe Bob, the lead male cast, becomes romantically involved with Josie Bobette, his love interest in the show. Fangirl B calls BS, saying that Joe Bob would be better off with Jane Smith, rival of Josie Bobette and also her long-lost second cousin from fifty years ago that somehow traveled to the future and then bounced back in the past*. Fangirl A replies by claiming Joe Bob and Jane Smith would never, ever make as good a couple as Joe Bob and Josie Bibette. Flame wars ensue. Why? Because Fangirl A and Fangirl B each happen to like (or “ship”) the pairing that the other sees as her “OTP” (One True Pairing).

By this point, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t stick with the much simpler “I like [Music genre A]”, “I like [Music genre B]”, “OK, we fight NAO!” example. Truth be told, both scenarios are equally ridiculous — and sadly, equally common on the Internet.

This sort of people will usually assume that, as long as they hate a concept / art style / music genre / character / series, etc., they should also hate anyone and everyone who disagrees. I saw a thread on “artistic hates” (fairly mild, I remember) on a backwater BBS that died a few months back. Said thread was full of various “hates”, from “shippers” (aggresive promotion of a fandom pairing) to “narutards” (Naruto fanartists) and manga / anime artists in general, magro photographers (something about photographing “a roach on a turd”), “furfags” (furry artists) an everything in between. More than half the posts in that thread were flames. Posters couldn’t simply “agree to disagree”.

Then, I did the unthinkable: I tossed in my own two cents. My list went something like this: illogical pairings in fanfiction (I was never a fan of gross OOC-ness, much less when authors have characters turn gay just so they can write their sad attempt at a PwP), bad cosplay (I’m talking waterpaint-colored cardboard cutouts and brooms, feathers and duct tape bad - okay, have fun with it all you like, but don’t force it on people and then b*tch that you’re getting lol’d at in return), “artistic” nudes (90% of which I see as both degrading to women and soft-core pr0n in disguise - note that I’ve seen some good ones, too, particularly from a few very talented photographers), and a few other things I’ve long since forgotten. I actually put some thought into my post. The flaming that ensued, particularly about points 1 and 2, was so juvenile it was actually funy. What was even funnier than that, however, was the fact that some of those people seemed to genuinely believe they could change my personal tastes by writing page-long rants.

I get it now. If I don’t like the same thing someone else does, that someone is entitled to “hate” me - or, at least, they’ll think they hate me because I happen to disagree. We’ve never met, we’ve never talked - and yet, they hate me. Fair enough.

Internets,  you never cease to… amuse me.

* You think that’s grossly overdone? Never underestimate the power of bad script writing. I’ve seen it happen.

The following is a true story. It happened two days ago, on a JR-Chuo line station in central Tokyo. I saw it firsthand. I still can’t believe it.

…My train had just arrived at the station. Passengers were getting off and flowing towards the escalators and stairs. A middle-aged “salaryman” — obviously drunk — tripped and fell down. And people literally stepped over and around him without so much as a second glance. I hung back until the train left and the station became less crowded, caught between wanting to help and not knowing exactly what kind of reaction to expect. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for the man to get up and wobble away. I followed him until he left the station and jumped in a cab.

I’m fairly surprised that nobody so much as tried to help. The Japanese mentality is a tough nut to crack, but I think I got this one right, at least: any display of weakness or distress is shameful and, as such, people ignoring this poor drunkard were actually doing him a favor by saving him the embarrassment of being cared for.

If I were writing this in any other place, I’d be sure to paste the infamous Captain Picard ASCII facepalm here.

Japanese people usually come off as a kind, caring and compassionate people… or, at least, that’s the kind of face they show  to everyone. On the other hand, it’s a Japanese thing (or maybe an Asian thing?) to keep your feelings deep down inside and show people the kind of emotion they want to see. You’ll never see a store clerk or a bank official welcome you with anything other than a bright smile and a cheerful “Irasshaimase~!”. These people go through incredible lengths to not let any hint of undesirable feelings show (remember the “smile assessment” machine?). Sadness, anger, sickness, distress - you will rarely see any of these emotions.

But the Japanese “caring and compassion” only stretches as far as interests do. A store clerk will treat you with consideration and respect as long as you’re interested in doing business with that store.  A traveling companion might pretend they are genuinely interested in the conversation until the plane, train or bus reaches the final stop. A neighbor might or might not acknowledge a greeting, depending on their mood. Forget the banners that urge citizens to create a “bright” and “cheerful” community; when all is said and done, Tokyo is simply a metropolis of fifteen million strangers.

According to a Japanese friend, talking to strangers is seen as “rude” in Tokyo and in other parts of Japan. Furthermore, if a man talks to a woman he doesn’t know, he might even have a sexual harassment lawsuit on his hands. In my friend’s own words, “the right way to get by is to mind your own business and let other people mind theirs.” People don’t want to help or be helped. They simply want to be left alone. Or… do they? I’d venture a guess that most, if not all people in Tokyo have felt alone and lost at some point. I know I have.

I can understand why Japanese people wouldn’t want to trouble themselves with caring for a drunken man who can’t even walk on their own two feet. But — hypothetically speaking — what if this man had actually had a heart attack? What if he’d been in need of genuine help?

The answer, as hideous as it may sound, is that there is a fair chance people would have walked over or around him regardless. And thus my confidence in the human race goes down another tick.

Nowadays, we’re having terrible weather here in Japan.

The weather forecast fails miserably day after day. I used to check it online every morning to make sure I don’t get stuck somewhere if it starts pouring literally out of the blue — until I realized I might as well flip a coin and count on that: heads for “put on your shades”, tails for “bring an umbrella”, edge for “win an unspecified amount of money at the lottery”.

Last Sunday, the weather forecast said “Partially cloudy, slim chances of rain” (note the “slim” part). Me and a friend decided to go out. We hopped on our bikes and proceeded to make our way to a coffee shop on the other side of the neighborhood. Sure enough, on the way there it started to rain. Neither of us had umbrellas. “Well,” my friend said as we were waiting at a railway crossing, “this sucks.”

By the time we’d reached the coffee shop, we were both soaked. Over the course of the next hour or so our clothes got dry enough. The rain stopped, then it kicked off again with a vengeance. Back at the same railway crossing, the downpour seemed to stop just as sudden. An elderly woman was holding an umbrella over our heads. It didn’t matter to her that we were both foreigners (never mind the fact that I was shooting off F-bombs* like there was no tomorrow). She did it anyway.

The train came and went, the barriers lifted, and my friend and I said “Thank you” and went our merry way. But that simple act of random kindness made my day.

* …As in, “F*ck-f*ckiddy-f*ck-f*ck-f*ck”. South Park FTW.

Existential dilemma of the week: is it possible to be a woman and sexist against women at the same time? If we replace “woman” with “yours truly, t3h freak” (a.k.a. me) and “sexist against women” with “thoroughly annoyed with Japanese women of all ages and social backgrounds”, then the answer is yes. Here’s why.

It all started with an evening of small-talk involving fashion, make-up and “being more in touch with my feminine side”.  The friend I talked with went above and beyond in trying to convince me to “change my tomboy-ish ways”. “You’re doing it wrong”, my friend told me. “If you want to live in our society, you have to fit in. Dressing, talking or acting like a man is simply unacceptable. You’re gonna be singled out, pointed at and ridiculed. People will avoid you and laugh behind your back. Do you really want that?”

Ironically enough, my friend also told me on numerous occasions that she admires me for “having the courage of being who I want to be”. “Still”, she told me on that night, “sooner or later you’ll have to snap out of it and be a woman. Otherwise you’ll stay single and a virgin* for the rest of your life.”

Last time I checked, I was still most definitely a woman. All the ‘right’ body parts were there. But my friend meant something different entirely. I was intrigued. I did some research and a great deal of observation. Eventually, I came to learn that ‘being a woman’ in Japan translates to so much more than having a pair of boobs and that other-something-down-there.

Point #1: The look

The average “street look” for Japanese girls essentially boils down to one word: cute. Lace, frills, glitter, stylized mascots, bling-blings — ‘cute’ is the definition word if you want to fit in with the street crowd. Skirts and “hot pants” seem to be the trend these days, with skin-tight jeans being a close second. Oversized accessories for your cellphone and bag zippers are also a must, whether it’s a plushie, a coin purse or a few beads on a string. The smaller your shoes and the higher the heels, the better — even if it means walking like a retarded model on crack. Balancing one to several purses and shopping bags on one arm held out at an impossible angle gives you class — even when they’re filled with useless crap that anyone could do without carrying around at all times.

On sunny days, oversized sunglasses, hats and cute little umbrellas are a must. White skin is pretty, but also high-maintenance. Therefore, while ridind a bike in impossibly small high-heels and short skirts and balancing several purses and shopping bags on the handle, some Japanese girls will also hold an umbrella in one hand, and maybe talk on a cellphone at the same time while wobbling precariously from side to side.

Point #2: The attitude

As a typical Japanese girl, finding the right balance between a ‘cute’ look and a sweet, innocent and happy-go-lucky attitude is a very important matter. I’ve watched Japanese girls in typical set-ups (school, streets, trains, parks and occasionally bars and pubs) and I came up with a mini-guide that sums up my observations. Some pointers are exaggerated for emphasis.

• When walking, keep your back straight to show off the “goods”. Pads can be a big help if you don’t have what it takes; be mindful of when said pads slip out of place though. No, that middle-aged salaryman isn’t smirking because he likes what he sees; he’s smirking because he’s on to your little trick.
• Wear a cute little pout on your face whenever you’re alone in a public place. Alternatively, go for a dreamy look: eyes wide open, gaze lost in the distance, lips parted slightly to show off your recently bleached teeth. (Refrain from last step if you’re still wearing bracers).
• Wear high-heels and wiggle your hips as much as you can. Never mind that mind-numbing pain in your lower back and ankles; one must suffer to be beautiful.
• When in a group, giggle, wave your arms and talk really fast. Master the two mandatory interjections any girl should know - the “Heeee?” and the “Kyaaaa!”. If you’re excited, scream and clap your hands while hopping from one foot to another.
• Always talk in a high-pitched voice and say words like “Kawaii!” (cute) or “Sugoi!” (wonderful) a lot, even when your conversation partner is talking about the weather. You’re sure to find something worth praising somewhere along the way.
• If someone takes your photo, tilt your head to one side, put on your widest grin, and make the peace sign. There are no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ here. Just make the peace sign. People will love you for it.
• Assuming you take part in a social drinking event or nomikai, be sure to order a fancy drink and put it down after a few sips complaining about how drunk you are. There’s sure to be a gentleman who will offer to take care of you. Or several, if you’re lucky.
• Don’t use public toilets unless you absolutely have to. Be sure to activate the water-noise machine to mask any embarrassing sounds. Also, spend as much time as you can inside the cubicle. Seat yourself as comfortably as you can, whip out your cellphone and start texting, or take out your pocket mirror and retouch your make-up. Who cares about the other people waiting in line.
• Being cute is being popular. Talk about fashion, make-up, idols or what you want to name your kids. Don’t be a smart-ass. Nobody likes a girl who talks about slightly more elevated stuff, like politics, current events or the economy. That’s boring, so leave it to the guys.

Point #3: The values

For this part, I will enlist the help of WhatJapanThinks.com. They have many interesting surveys on a variety of topics concerning Japan and Japanese people, most of which were conducted by reputed organizations here. I picked some of the most interesting (relevant or not, your pick) results. Did you know…

…many Japanese girls feel offended by splitting the bill for a date? (because spending on make-up and shiny stuff is a lot more important than investing (money) in a relationship)
…most Japanese women would hate it if their husbands didn’t work? (husbands = money-making machines, gotcha’)
…most Japanese women expect their boyfriends / husbands to get promoted and save more? (see above)
…most Japanese men expect their girlfriends / wives to tidy up the house more, learn to cook better and lose weight? (girlfriends = surrogate mothers and the occasional trophy to be paraded on a date, ditto)
…most Japanese girls break up with their boyfriends / husbands when they meet someone else? (what’s better than a walking piggy bank? — a bigger walking piggy-bank!)
…some Japanese women employ “cute” tactics (like pretending to be clumsy or get drunk easily) to entice their men? (also, it seems that not using smilies in an e-mail is another major factor - LOLOLOL)

I see a pattern here. It seems that Japanese men and women split their roles straight off the bat: men make the money, women spoil the men. It’s quite depressing, really.

In conclusion…

Now that we’ve gone through what being a woman in Japan is and isn’t about, I feel lost.Technically, I’m still a woman, even though I wear men’s clothes, I don’t wear make-up, I refer to myself as ‘ore’ rather than ‘atashi’ (the male and female words for “I, me” in Japanese respectively) and I can’t cook or clean for shits. I always split the tab. ‘Cute’ makes me puke. Oh, and I hate babies. Did I mention I hate babies? OK.

Of course, this could be simply a misunderstanding on my part. I could be wrong. I wish I were wrong. Otherwise, Japan just earned itself another down mark in my book. And in all honesty… they’re beginning to pile up

* Yes, she actually said that. I laughed so hard I choked on my beer. And little did she know… erm, I’ll shut up now.

It seems to me that “live and let live” is easy to preach, but impossible to practice for most societies. In other words, you can’t live without bothering a bunch of people, and you can be almost certain that a bunch of other people will bother you in turn.

Case in point: I park my bike* in a designated parking area. I make sure that there is enough room on both sides so that I won’t be having any trouble getting my bike out later on. I return about ten minutes later, only to find that some moron all but piled the bikes one on top of the other to ‘make more room’. I can’t get my bike out — therefore I have to take the 30-minute walk back home while balancing three bags of groceries and an umbrella. What’s more, that moron actually gets paid to piss me off. Oh, and if by some twist of fate I leave my bike parked more than a day or two, I’ll have to take an extra trip to the pound to get it back, and pay a hefty fee on top of it. The people who took it and the people who oversee the pound also get paid to piss me (and other people) off.

“But hey”, someone might argue, “if people parked their bikes wherever, our sidewalks would be a mess!” Come on now; where’s the harm in leaving your bike tied to a post, or parked along the sidewalk, for a few minutes or a few hours at most? No self-respecting biker will park their wheels in the middle of a busy sidewalk. They will always make sure that they park it somewhere out of the way. If you ask me, the whole system of gathering “improperly parked” bikes and dumping them in a massive enclosure is wasted taxpayer money. Why? Because these ‘public employees’ get overzealous when and where they shouldn’t. And since nobody is making sure that they’re doing their job properly (and they don’t!), that results in more stress, more frustration, and essentially bad auras, doom and apocalypse all around.

While we’re on the topic of bikes, riding a bike in Japan is definitely not for the faint-hearted. The general consensus is that people ride bikes on the sidewalk. Have you ever seen a Japanese sidewalk? Some are bumpy. Some are narrow. Some streets don’t even have sidewalks. Toss in a bustling crowd of pedestrians and just as many bikes, and chaos ensues. There is no separation between bikers and pedestrians. There are no “this way” and “that way” lanes. And Japanese people tend to space out when walking, and essentially not give a fly even when they’re wobbling from one side to the other and three angry bikers are chiming from behind. Children are the worst; sometimes, you have to shout at them to get them out of the way (thankfully, I look intimidating enough to have that effect with a polite “Excuse me…”)

Of course, there are also those bikers who think they own the sidewalk. Ironically enough, most of these bikers are women: trendy girls talking on cellphones, mothers with children in the front and rear seats, housewives overloaded with groceries and whatnot… you get the idea. Yesterday, I finally snapped and shouted “You dumb b*tches!” at two young mothers (with children in those seat/bastket thingies). The reason? We were this close of colliding — it was entirelly their fault — and yet I didn’t get as much as a “Sorry” from either.

To sum up, I try avoiding to ride my bike during day, and do all my groceries around midnight. If I absolutely have to ride to somewhere, I usually ride on the street. Running the risk of being flattened by a two-ton truck running at full speed is better than hitting some moron who didn’t get out of the way (or even ‘better’, jumped in front of my bike without looking) and having to pay their hospital bill afterwards. And since Japan seems so concerned over public safety, I really think the government should invest into redesigning sidewalks and roads to make them more… bicycle-friendly.

* By ‘bike’, I mean ‘bicycle’. Just to clear out any confusion.

Image courtesy of blogs.reuters.com

I was tucked neatly in my futon, dreaming of rainbows and butterflies and sparkling unicorns*, when the room began to shake. I jumped up. The room was still shaking. My guitar toppled over.

I wasn’t the only one who had a rude wake-up call this morning, either. The folks in Shizuoka rose and shone to a 6.2 magnitude earthquake, followed by (at least) four aftershocks so far. Needless to say, the earthquake shook us up pretty badly here in Tokyo, too. All that, while typhoon Etau is headed straight for us and is expected to brush us over sometime later today.

This comes days after another earthquake rumbled us early Sunday evening. I was in a fast-food restaurant at the time, and I’m quite ashamed to say I was the only one who actually panicked. The rest of the customers — all Japanese — went about their business as usual.

If I could have a chat with Mother Nature right now, I’d arch and eyebrow and say, “Not cool. Seriously? Not cool.”

* Scrap that, I was playing World of Warcraft. I always play World of Warcraft.